Whatever you want to call it: quarter-life crisis, the Saturn return, the plight of the twenty-somethings; I'm deep in it. I've been praying, searching, asking, journaling for guidance. I left for an 18mi run this morning looking forward to a good 3+ hours of being alone with my thoughts. Marathon training for me has become sort of a moving meditation...a way to let the thoughts bubble up and work through them.
But just as everyone says you find love when you least expect it, I also believe that to be true for guidance. As I was finishing loop one in Central Park, feeling as lost in my own head as a tourist in Times Square, I ran into (literally) an old friend who had many words of wisdom and advice for my current state of crisis. Having gone through several himself (every 3 years or so from his mid 20s to mid 30s), we spent 8 or so miles catching up on everything from love lives and careers to self-help books, volunteering and side jobs. Him being the older, wiser and WAY more successful of the two encouraged me to be honest with what I really want; regardless of how it may sound to others, regardless of what the rules and expectations we've all been raised with espouse.
He pointed out my lack of focus was draining me of power (true), and that I have but this one life (also true), and that by making a career change now that is not necessarily what I want to do might just be putting a band-aid on the situation (also, true just harder to admit to myself and act on). Bottom line: fear of failure and to some degree, fear of success is the crux of the issue.
As I continue to grow and change, I'm learning that if you ask "teachers" seem to show up just when you need them. And thank God he showed up today to rescue me from my own thoughts. I may not have made it through all 18mi without him (and his strategically stashed gatorade. Genius). Boy, I have a lot to learn.
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