21 Day Detox

Day One.

And so it begins. I normally do a 3-day juice cleanse every season just to give my body some time to reset itself. Having not done one yet to welcome in the summer season, I figured that my body could use some love, rest and greens post a three-day wedding extravaganza.

This time I'm doing a 21-day vegan detox which has me (juice) fasting one day each of those three weeks. How am I doing today? Started off with a green juice, some raw veggies, hummus and quinoa.
I'm tired. Really foggy. Looking forward to feeling light and clear-headed again.

May take a walk or run, do some yoga and have a seat in the steam room to sweat out some of the yuck.

The impromtu lesson.

Whatever you want to call it: quarter-life crisis, the Saturn return, the plight of the twenty-somethings; I'm deep in it. I've been praying, searching, asking, journaling for guidance. I left for an 18mi run this morning looking forward to a good 3+ hours of being alone with my thoughts. Marathon training for me has become sort of a moving meditation...a way to let the thoughts bubble up and work through them.

But just as everyone says you find love when you least expect it, I also believe that to be true for guidance.  As I was finishing loop one in Central Park, feeling as lost in my own head as a tourist in Times Square, I ran into (literally) an old friend who had many words of wisdom and advice for my current state of crisis. Having gone through several himself (every 3 years or so from his mid 20s to mid 30s), we spent 8 or so miles catching up on everything from love lives and careers to self-help books, volunteering and side jobs. Him being the older, wiser and WAY more successful of the two encouraged me to be honest with what I really want; regardless of how it may sound to others, regardless of what the rules and expectations we've all been raised with espouse.

He pointed out my lack of focus was draining me of power (true), and that I have but this one life (also true), and that by making a career change now that is not necessarily what I want to do might just be putting a band-aid on the situation (also, true just harder to admit to myself and act on). Bottom line: fear of failure and to some degree, fear of success is the crux of the issue.

As I continue to grow and change, I'm learning that if you ask "teachers" seem to show up just when you need them. And thank God he showed up today to rescue me from my own thoughts. I may not have made it through all 18mi without him (and his strategically stashed gatorade. Genius). Boy, I have a lot to learn.

Yoga Playlist: 8.22.11

• Everloving- Moby
• All You Need is Love- The Beatles
• Janglin- Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
• She is Love- Oasis
• Black and Blue- Miike Snow
• You've Got the Best of My Love- The Emotions
• Love Me Two Times- The Doors
• Sunshine of My Love- Cream
• Lost in My Mind- The Head and the Heart
• For What It's Worth- Buffalo Springfield
  
• Love is My Religion- Ziggy Marley
• Sideways- Citizen Cope
• Skinny Love- Bon Iver
• Crazy Love- Van Morrison
• Lover, You Should Have Come Over- Jeff Buckley

"do the things you used to talk about doing but never did. know when to let go and when to hold on tight. stop rushing. don't be intimidated to say it like it is. stop apologizing all the time. learn to say no, so your yes has some oomph. spend time with the friends who lift you up, and cut loose the ones who bring you down. stop giving your power away. be more concerned with being interested than being interesting. be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it. finally know who you are."
- kristin armstrong

Love Anyway.

After a few recent disappointments, I was tempted to harden, to dam up the flow of positivity that I normally give so freely.  Yet the midst of this pity party of blame and self-loathing and inquisition, I decided that resistance and resentment was only hurting me more. It became clear that the only way to grow is to "love anyway." To love those who have hurt me; to love those who have let me down; to love the situations, people and circumstances which did not meet my narrow expectations of the moment. And most importantly (and more difficult sometimes) to love myself anyway with all my flaws and insecurities and eccentricities.

It's a work in progress, but my new motto has spilled over to complete strangers. I'm practicing projecting love to people I pass on the street, the screaming child, the woman who has a meltdown at airport security. Love is so much broader than the story-book romantic love and giving it regardless of reciprocity is teaching me how to live more freely--I can place less emphasis on the outcome of an event or a relationship because I'm going to love anyway.

Local Flavor

I've been called everything to from "granola head" to "juice coach" and even accused of wearing hemp socks, so it didn't think it would really come as a shock to anyone that I decided to join a CSA this year. Yet, the joke was on me because anyone I mention this to, looks at me as though I'm speaking Cantonese. "CSA? Huh?" 

Since many of my recipes hereafter will be prompted by the dirt covered bunches of veggies I receive in the CSA shipment each Tuesday, I decided it would be a good idea to explain.

CSA, or Community Supported Agriculture is essentially paying in advance for a portion of a local farm's organic harvest. In exchange for supporting the farm, you receive "a share" of whatever fruits and veggies are growing on the farm that week. I joined Stonelegde Farm which is family-owned and operated in the Northern Catskills in upstate NY. 

This week the share contained squash, Japanese eggplant, tomatoes, purple onion, rhubarb,  parsley, and my favorite summer fruit: blueberries, peaches and plums. The ever-changing variety of goodies keeps me cooking at home and exploring new recipes.


And if my coworkers didn't already think I'm a nut, now every Tuesday when I decline happy hour invitations and work dinners to "pick up my veggies" they get a good chuckle. Laugh all you want... I'll be eating my humble (blueberry) pie.

Connect the dots.

Today I didn't necessarily connect with my yoga class...I was on the periphery, distracted, unplugged....I was looking just left of center the entire time. My adjustments were shallow, barely grazing an arm or tweaking a foot placement. Smiles were forced and generic.

Why? What makes us shy away from connection? Fear. Fear of knowing too much or looking too deeply. Sometimes I think it is actually fear of being loved, of being accepted, of revealing our true self to another. Fear of not living up to others expectations of us.

Why do I often feel more connected to a stranger on the subway than I do to the people I work with day to day, or the students that come to yoga class week after week? The truth is that it's often my ego. I am less likely to be the true me around people I'm trying to impress. I tend to "be" who I think they would want me to be rather than act and speak and project from the me I really am. My ego needs to be accepted and liked by all the people in my office and all the guys I meet in bars. My mind makes me believe I need to give all the right answers, wear the right shirt, like the right music and order the entree that is fitting for a business lunch. 

When it comes down to it, it's all about connection--connection to truth, connection to the inner self (not the surface image), connection to every other human on the planet. Namaste, the closing of every yoga class I've ever been to, translates to: "The light in me, salutes the light in you." In each of us is the light of consciousness; to connect with one is to connect with the collective consciousness that creates and sustains life. Breaking free of the ego (and subsequently, the need to please others) is my on-going personal growth project...

Paris: Naturally sw(eat)

A few years back my mom gave me a book entitled, "French Women Don't Get Fat." I never read it. I thought it must be hogwash. How could French women seriously sit around all day eating pastries, cheese and steak frite and still be thin and healthy?

Well, I just returned from Paris, and my friends, it's true. Here are a few observations:

• EVERYTHING is fresh. Parisians buy their bread daily from the boulangerie. Outdoor markets dot each area of the city providing fresh, local, seasonal produce. They buy their meat fresh from the butcher and artisanal cheese from the fromagerie. Wine? From neighboring wineries. Outside of the supermarkets, nearly all of their food is whole and without preservatives.
• Food and drink is enjoyed. We were sitting at an outdoor cafe enjoying a glass of rose and the best-I've-ever-tasted bowl of french onion soup, and I noticed the couple next to us. Their drinks (one each) were half full when we arrived, yet the couple remained even as we were leaving, an hour and a half later--still talking, engaged in conversation, using hand motions and expressions--One drink only. They were purely enjoying each others company; no need for 3 more rounds of drinks to give them something to do or loosen them up for continued conversation.
  
• The thing that stuck out in my mind was the fact that everything for Parisians is art--architecture, fashion, food--all art. Which is why they only choose the best, whole, real foods to prepare their meals. Do you think Coco Chanel would use fake leather for her handbags?
• They walk and bike-- a lot. Walking, bicycling and public transportation are the easiest and fastest ways to navigate the city. Paris is peppered with public bike racks called Velib which allow you to pick up a bike in one part of the city, ride to another and drop it off...so cool.