I've mentioned before that this blog is a journey to wholeness. But after one too many glasses of wine enabled me to try every cookie, truffle and cake on the dessert platter, I woke up at 3am unable to sleep. This is not the first time.
More than despising my lack of willpower with food and drink (especially because I know better), this habit of over-indulging is compromising the way I live my life. It makes me lazy, anxious, irritable. It makes me, well, not me.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life--living in NYC is the best gift a single girl in her mid-twenties could have. There are limitless opportunities, activities and adventures to be had, yet I believe drinking alcohol at times holds me back from doing the things I really want to do. It's a vicious cycle: I have a few drinks, over-indulge, feel guilty, hit the snooze, miss yoga or my morning run, feel guilty, eat poorly to counter-act feeling bad, feel guilty, and pledge to do better tomorrow. Repeat. (Wow. That really made me sound like a raging alcoholic.)
Approaching another birthday, I've realized New York is a place where I should be pursuing all my goals and passions, yet waking up foggy after a few drinks a few days a week sets me up to follow my old routine, doing the same things I did before. In this state I'm not clear on what I want to pursue; I want to write, meditate, do yoga, run, eat whole, take an improv class, try standup, cook, start a business, read, make jewelery...but doing any of these buzzed or hung over is not easy. I've put off taking a dance class or an improv class or a weekend trip because of cost, yet I don't bat an eyelash at a $14 Gin 'n Tonic. It adds up--my guesstimate is that I spend around $3,200/year on alcohol (That also makes me sound like an alcoholic). That's equivalent to another yoga training course, a couple international weekend trips, or at least a year of improv class.
I want to become clear, whole, conscious and more deliberate with my choices and my time in NYC, so I'm considering taking a year off of alcohol...But I'm scared as hell. Scared I will be shunned by my friends and family. Scared I will be single the entire year. Scared it will be too hard. Scared I will be judged. Scared I won't be able to do it.
However, I think I'm more afraid to squander goals and dreams with a foggy head, when a wealth of opportunity lies right at my fingertips, and that is the worst fear of all.
Awesome post! Instead of eliminating it for a year. Try cutting back where you don't overindulge but you have 1 gin and tonic...then slowly (not abruptly) eliminate it from your life. As you make the transition, slowly add a yoga class, meditation, etc. So it doesn't become about you eliminating something from your life -- and more about that wholeness and balance your seeking. Remember, it's a practice...xo
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